Subway by Etsuro Sakamoto — Sidewalk | the resemblance

“Everyday I step into a coffin

With strangers

Nailing hurriedly

My own coffin,

I go toward the city

To be buried alive.”

— “Subway,” Etsuro Sakamoto

The first time I read this poem, I wasn’t expecting to get a lot from it. It seemed a bit plain or it is really plain. But just like all plain things, there’s always a story behind. The title itself speaks about how we might visualize the story. It’s a subway. A place where in thousands of unfamiliar people are always in a hurry. It’s a place where I’d display my bored face simply because there’s no such thing as ‘fun’ in riding the train (if you do it everyday). The poem also provides us with an element of time as it starts with the word “everyday”. By “everyday”, we mean it is done repeatedly, constantly and may even be part of a routine. This poem displays the repeated action of the persona and their struggles in the everyday life. As the poem was explained to me in a deeper manner, I’ve come to realize that it was more than bored faces, subways and life struggles. Subway by Etsuro Sakamoto revolves around how the persona decided to write their own fate. The lines from the poem are in the persona’s point of view as he/she explains how they make their own fate even though it was somehow ‘forced’. This poem is about how a person feels about doing something they don’t like or even love. They don’t do it because they want to. They do it because they have to. It’s been a daily routine that the persona gets sick and tired of it but in the end, still has no choice but to continue. Knowing my self, I know that I lose all the excitement I have in my body if I don’t like what I’m about to do. It’s practically the same thing with the persona. The persona hurriedly assembles their own death every time they do something they don’t really want. As they head to their destination, they prepare themselves to be buried alive again.

I am not that kind of person who lies about not liking happily ever afters. I am  that kind of person who would want every character to get their own chance to have a happily ever after. The sad truth behind the poem Subway was an eye-opener. It may seem small but it can give this feeling of wanting to go beyond the things you do. It speaks about letting yourself not to have the happily ever after you always wanted.

“I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost… I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place.
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes me a long time to get out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in. It’s a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault. I get out immediately.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

I walk down another street.”

— There’s a Hole in My Sidewalk, Portia Nelson

This Poem is entitled “There’s a Hole in My Sidewalk. I find it very similar to Mr. Etsuro Sakamoto’s poem, Subway. First things first, both poems talks about an action done on a daily basis. It also speaks about making decisions that could seal your fate. In the poem, There’s a Hole in My Sidewalk, the persona knows that every fall was his fault yet he ignored it. It was very similar to Subway because the person knows that by doing something you don’t like, you slowly murder you’re whole being because there is always something missing. Even though both personas in the two poems knew their mistakes, they didn’t stop because they knew that they had to do it. The persona felt that they forced themselves to do things because they had to even though they had to go through it everyday. It was very hard not to slowly murder yourself because what you were doing was something you are not interested in. Both poems end without a clear answer. It doesn’t speak of change and even puts you back to the thought of starting from the top. It does not show whether the persona has finally decided to go their on way because that’s what they want to do or if the persona continues in preparing their own death and struggle in the everyday life.

Footnote to Us

Jose Garcia Villa’s Footnote to Youth tells us about the life of a seventeen year old boy named Dodong. Dodong at a young age married, believing that he was man enough to enter adulthood. He was full of conviction, no doubts, not even a single ‘what if’ entered his mind whenever he thought about marrying the girl he always dreamt of. With his parents’ consent, Dodong and Teang married each other. Unlike Dodong, his father had second thoughts as a strange helpless light in his eyes was visible according to Jose Garcia Villa. Why is it that he didn’t make any objections in Dodong’s sudden declamation about marriage? As for Dodong and Teang, their sweet young dream got even sweeter as their first child, Blas arrived. Dodong, being a first time father, no wonder felt afraid but eventually, he got through it. As Blas grew older, Dodong and Teang had more children as well. It may sound cliché but history repeats itself, Blas came up to his father asking his approval to marry Tona. Though he had objections, Dodong agreed.

The first time I read Footnote to Youth, I honestly thought it was just about youth getting married at a young age and finding themselves full of repentance. But I guess there is more than what you think there is. Behind the not so ‘shallow idea’ of marriage at a young age, I think that what Jose Garcia Villa’s footnote to us is to be brave enough to accept our mistakes and make a change. Dodong and his father accepted their mistakes but failed to correct it. Many of us are full of conviction specially when we believe in something but when life gets a little harder, we give up. It’s not that I approve on marrying at a young age but maybe since it’s reality I have to agree to the idea of Jose Garcia Villa. Sometimes we are too brave that we forget to think about the possible consequences we might face and when it comes, it will shock us to the point that you would just want to surrender. For me, he wants us to start strong and finish stronger.

Reality’s Realization With The Help of Thinking

“Things come apart so easily when they have been held together with lies.”
― Dorothy Allison, Bastard Out of Carolina

Why is it that our country seems like a failed experiment? Elements combined together with fantasies that are to good to be true. Too good that we Filipinos couldn’t keep up to it which resulted to an even worse result, failure all covered up with our little fantasies. As a Filipino, yes, I have a dream for my country more than success and prosperity, I always hoped that one day, we no longer have to believe in these stories that our government would tell us but we could see things the way it is without any lies and fantasies attached to it. The perfect example that could further explain how fantasies could blind you from the truth is the never-ending government corruption and how we Filipino Citizens are partially to blame.

For the past few months, we may have been seeing the same things over and over again in news headlines, newspapers and it may even be your class topic. The issue on the Pork Barrel Scam took the government a huge amount of time before they had finally convicted the main suspects. Not to my surprise, who else could it be? Our own government officials who sworn to God and to us to serve the country with honesty and promised a better future. How could it have happened that our own trusted officials where behind this corruption and how were they able to keep it a secret? One thing’s for sure, they fed us with their promising fantasies, fairy tales wherein they were our prince charming who saved us, the damsel in distress when the truth is they were the greedy and beastly creatures who wanted everything for themselves not even thinking about how many FIlipinos have no houses,no proper education and worst of all no way to start a better life.

How is it possible that we all believed in this illusion caused by their fantasies? Why did we let them build our country with lies when we had the chance to stop it? Like what Nathan Allen said in his article Filipinos: Think! Think! Think!,  “due to colonization and other factors, the Philippines may have established itself as a country full of “small minds”- and by that I mean people that were intentionally discouraged from being ambitious, and kept from their potential.” We all grew up in a fairy tale that the authorities made up that’s why we don’t know how to speak our minds and differentiate reality and fantasy and because our fantasy is what we ever wished for, we chose to live in it.

What I picked up from Nathan Allen’s FIlipinos: Think! Think! Think! that could probably be the reason why we are what are not is that we don’t give importance to who we are or what we stand for. Like our officials, sometimes we are greedy about our ideas we don’t let other people learn about them, we keep things to ourselves. Yes, we might be thinking but we don’t put them in action. The worst part is that instead of making something of our own, we our contented of copying not minding that we would look like people who have no ideas so we just pretend like its ours and even brag about how good we are at it.

Though I am ashamed of how a foreigner made me realize these things about my own country, I am quite grateful to these people who pushes us to our limits even thought they are not of our kind.

A Way to Kill School Children

I couldn’t imagine my self agreeing with the author. The very thought of it made me feel nauseas. How could you pollute an innocent child’s mind with useless junk that kept them away from life’s cruel reality. Why did they have to take away their ability to see, to hear and to think. A child’s vulnerability is a man’s strength, they may have had questions all tangled up in their little minds but that huge boar never gave them the chance to speak, “A huge boar gores mountain villagers;” and cover them with melted caramels, “Promise them toy trains, toy rails, toy bridges.” to lure them back into their fairytale. Some may have tried to speak but these “Black-streaked monkeys tote guns in tree perches;”, scared them away. Why did they do such inhumane acts if they would just cover it up?I couldn’t help but blame them for what we are right now. Because of those fairytales, we still opt to believe that all is well and that a smile can take away all the pain. News Flash! Wake up, there are no fairytales but on the brighter side, there’s reality, the only thing that we can believe in. Though today’s reality is dark and may look despairing there’s always a flickering light, indicating that there’s hope but you just have to find it.

To be honest, the first time I heard the poem’s title which is A Way to Kill School Children, I immediately thought about mental abuse, never-ending homeworks, projects and of course terror teachers who’s looks make you want to fold yourself like a piece of paper and just be thrown away. But right after reading the poem, I finally understood the reason why it had that title. It wasn’t anything related to school. It didn’t literally mean killing or murdering the school children physically but I felt it had something to do with a child’s young mind. Many people would say, “A child may have many questions and opinions, but a gift would easily keep them away.” and that’s how they killed the schoolchildren. They made them believe in the king who ate slime, monkeys who tote guns and charmed mice. They turned them into little pets whom you feed, train and give little bone snacks to make them stop barking and catching attention. In my opinion, if you hear the title even without reading the poem you wouldn’t immediately think about white-washing, or violence, death and dark secrets but like me you would think of homeworks and such. The title was so strong it made me and you believe in its little fairytale where in there were no such things as a dreaded president only a dreaded king and soldiers who were like puppets following ruthless orders like monkeys whom they said could tote guns.

Thank Him for The Little Things

” Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. ” – 1 Thessalonians 5:18

There are a hundred reasons to be thankful in life but why do we forget to thank Him? Do we ever think how much He has given to us? For every second that you live for every gift you received, did you thank Him? Don’t forget how much He has sacrificed in order for us to live a life full of opportunities a life where in we can make decisions. For every little thing you receive, God is there. Thank Him everyday as you wake up. He sacrificed for us and yet we cannot give Him what He deserves. Always remember that even if the Lord gives you trials in life thank Him because at the end of the day, is you who will benefit in the lessons you have learned. Give thanks to Him because He never failed to show you how much He loves us despite our imperfections.

With every moment you live, dedicate it to Him. With every prayer you say, put your heart into it because in every prayer treated as a joke, a chance to talk to Him is wasted. Don’t forget that if the Lord didn’t warn Noah about the Great Flood, we all wouldn’t be here and I won’t be writing this telling you to thank Him for the little things.

Let Him.

” Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight. ” Proverbs 3 : 5-6

This verse has been with me since I was a kid. I hear it in school, at home and sometimes I randomly see it. I never really understood this verse not until I realized how much I needed Him in my life. At first I thought that if you pray that God will help you do something for you without you making an effort and it will still happen. For example, you have a test and you weren’t able to study for it, if you ask the Lord to help you a minute before the test even though you prayed, you will still fail because you never did your part. I’ve been through a lot of these situations but eventually, I learned my lesson.

Let God control you don’t try to deny His access in your life. If life was a game, make Him your Game Master and be his hands who will do His works and share it to others. Let Him live in your heart be amazed about how He can change you in a way you never thought you’d become. Let Him make you a better person. Always remember that in the little things you do, God is always there teaching and guiding you, telling you what is right and what is wrong and by then, let His will be done in you.

A Midsummer Night’s Dream

Last Thursday, January 9, the Grade 10 students had a play which was A Midsummer Night’s Dream by William Shakespeare. At first, I wasn’t really going to watch but I realized something. I thought that someday, our batch might do something like this as well and the funds were for the Nanjing Walkabout so I decided to watch. I used my money which was given to me for Christmas to buy VIP tickets. So the day of the play finally came and me and my friends were first on the line because we wanted to sit near the stage! We were really excited because it was the first time that our school had a play by one of the greatest writers in history, Mr. William Shakespeare. We were aware that the play would use Old English so I prepared my self for that ahhaa! When the play started we were just so amazed about how good everyone did with memorizing the lines! The costumes were fabulous specially the wedding gowns at the end of the play! The play that the characters were watching was so hilariousI don’t remember a time when I wasn’t laughing during the play of the actors!i told my self that the amount I paid was worth it. When the play ended I still couldn’t get over my favorite scenes which are the part where in Hermia slapped Lysander. I also liked the parts where Puck was copying the actors as they practiced for the play. Even the lights and sounds effectwas in perfect timing! Watching AMND was definitely an unforgettable experience!

Snow in Midsummer

The day after A Midsummer Night’s Dream, the Grade 9’s play was up next already. There play was Guan Hanqing’ s Snow in Midsummer. If the Grade 10’s play was Western now, its Eastern! After the Grade 10’s play I already saw how pressured the Grade 9 was because honestly, the Grade 10 was really excellent with every part of the play. I thought that maybe they were afraid that they wouldn’t be able to do as well as the Grade 10 did. Like with the first play, me and my friends were also first in line but the difference is, we were no longer VIP because we have no more money left! Haha! We even planned to split in the 2 lines so that even if the other line will go first my friend in that line could reserve the seats for us because we had to stay in the first row of the regular ticket! Before the play started, I saw a lot of old students and even teachers. I was quite happy to know that they were still in touch with us. The play started and I could already feel the sadness in the story. I really liked how each character had their own Chinese Accent! I really like the idea of the see through wall which showed the part were Dou E the lead actress was killed! It was so good! After that, we were all frightened and surprised when we saw her as a ghost walking in the aisle with a scary expression!t was such a great story and the characters were really excellent!

New Year’s Gift :)

Sometimes there are things that you thought would never happen but you never know, one day it might just happen! Its been months since I last posted a blog and those were the days when there were so many things to do but I’ll try to make my blogs better and make sure that you’ll have fun! Since I was little, I dreamt of having a dog since I often watch movies which had dogs in it and I found them really cute. Whenever I talk to my parents about having a dog my mom would always disagree because she thinks that dogs are messy and noisy. My dad would just say the time would come when we’re ready enough to take care of one. 6 years has passed and there was no dog only fish which I definitely couldn’t play with!

Eventually, I got tired of asking them about having a dog and just forget about it. I thought that it will never ever happen since my mom kind of hated dogs. I was just thankful of everything that I was given. Christmas 2013 passed and a part of me was still hoping for a dog but there was no sign of one. Sometimes my dad would joke and would ask me “Which one would you like for Christmas? A dog or phone?” Even before I would answer, he would say that its a joke and I would just roll my eyes!

New Year came and I was shocked when we entered my grandmother’s house! There was a puppy running towards us and I was like “Is this for real?!” I looked crazy jumping and shouting together with my sister. It felt so happy and my heart was jumping up and down! I’m just so thankful to my parents because they trusted us with a dog. I’m so thankful for Storm. By the way, he’s a mix breed of Japanese Spitz and Chihuahua. How I wish there would be more moments like this. 🙂

Happy Birthday!

Just so you know, today is the birthday of a very very close friend. I’m just happy because he is thirTEEN already! So we had a party! The party happened at Chili’s and what I can say is that I was really overwhelmed about the food we ate. We all enjoyed while eating and at the same time, talking to each other. After eating, one of us said that there were newscasters eating there too! We all started peeking from the party area. At first, I couldn’t see them but when I saw them, I realized that all this time, I’ve been looking at the end of the restaurant even if they were just in front of us. We started laughing because some of us wanted to take a picture with them. They had so many failed attemps! When they finally had the guts to do it, they even called a waiter to take their picture! We were really laughing so hard! I felt like vomiting because I was really full. After their so called pictorial, we saw one of the girl newscaster go to the comfort room! Then, some of us went after her to take a selfie with her! I felt so embarrassed but at the same time happy because they really waited for her to come out of the comfort room! That really made my day and I believe, it will be hard to forget that. The party was really fun and really really memorable!